Taking Tentative Steps

¹² "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

¹⁵ All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. ¹⁶ Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

Philippians 3:12-16

***Disclaimer: This is a very honest, real, blog posting. If it hurts feelings, I am sorry, but it is my life experience. If you don't like what I wrote...don't read it.***

This Sunday at church our pastor, George Wright, began a new series on growth. Being that it is the start of a new year, many people are trying to set goals, resolutions, changes they want to do or make in the coming year. As George was closing his sermon on "Christian Growth", he included some points, scripture and dialogue about how we sometimes let our past prevent us for moving onward and upward in what God has called us to do with our lives. He made this point about our past. "Do not be defined by your past but by Christ who covers your past." He also stated that our past can prevent us from having growth in two ways. The first way is that we can say that our past disqualifies us. The second way is that we can say that our past entitles us. WOW! Both of those thoughts about our past, my past has crossed my mind. I have used both those excuses lately for not following God's calling and God's will in my life!

My past ENTITLES me! I feel like I have used that excuse so often in the last few years. I so many times feel like my past entitles me to either get special treatment or to be excused from service. Why do I think my past entitles me for certain privileges? I grew up in a strong, intact, Christian family. I grew up going to church every time the doors were open, being a GA, being part of Bible drill, and a leader in the youth group. As I grew up, left the nest and went to a Christian college, I was called the "shining star" by many of my professors. In Seminary I was told I was "their favorite student", by my professors. Then as I entered into the ministry world I had the privilege of working on staff at one of the most amazing, wonderful, growing, Gospel preaching churches in the Southern Baptist Convention. So if you ask me had I put in "my time" in Christian growth and service I would have said ABSOLUTELY!

My past DISQUALIFIES me! I have also used this excuse many times, probably the most in the last few years. I have used it as a cop-out, reason, and an excuse for why I am not stepping up and risking doing anything out of my comfort zone. What in my life, in my past am I so scared of repeating? Why am I so shy to be bold and brave again? Funny you should ask! After my stunning, shining and sensational ministry life experience from college through my ministry position at the mega church, I took a new position at another church and it was a train wreck. Maybe I was over confident in my ability. Maybe it was a "growth opportunity" for me. But whatever it was, it was very hard and to be honest very scarring. I went to work at a church where I really felt and still feel today that God was leading me to, but the experience was tough...scary...hard. It was nothing like anything I had experienced before, and it has changed me.

So where do I go from here? Well two things first. One, I am not going to rely on or wear like a medal, what I did six to ten years ago in ministry as a way to feel, think or even sometimes act superior to others. Two, as far as my "trying experience" in ministry I am going to forgive, learn, grow and most importantly move on!! I will not let Satan, anything or anyone else steal the "joy of my salvation'!! I will move. I will worship. I will teach. I will write. I will pray. I will follow. I will serve. I will grow!