God made...

2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."


I see the creatures God made:
God made sheep
God made butterflies
God made dogs
God made cat
God made ducks
God made fish
And God made me!

These are the words of the book that I read to my daughter tonight as I put her to bed. After each God made....there is a verse that sort of goes along with the topic. One of the verses that jumped out at me tonight was the one that went along with GOD MADE BUTTERFLIES. The verse was, Isaiah 25:1, "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things!"

Today I had a conversation with two of the moms in my daughter Ava's Gymboree class. One of the moms, well she is actually the nanny, of one of the little started talking about her child and how early she was born. My ears perked up because my daughter was also born very early. The nanny said that the little girl was born 3 months early, and had to be on a feeding tube, oxygen and a heart monitor up until just a few months ago. This child does have some delays/special needs that are noticable, but she is improving everyday!

While the nanny was telling me this I looked over at my daughter and thought how gracious God had been to our family. My daughter was born 10 weeks early, but only needed a little assistance with oxygen, and was able to come home from the hospital eating and breathing on her own. Though she did have to wear a heart monitor, it was only as a precaution. Also, now at a year and a half old she is pretty much caught up developmently with children who were now born prematurely!

But later tonight as I read this little book of my daughter's I was convicted. Was God not gracious to the other little girl's parents, just because she had more delays/special needs then my daughter? Absolutely not! God showed grace by allowing this little one to live. God has given grace continuously to this child and to her parents, to overcome some of the difficulties she is facing. Just because God does not answer our prayers or fix our problems the way we thing they should be, does not mean that His grace is insufficient.

The Day is Dawning

My junior and senior year in college, I had an amazing prayer group. We would meet at 6:30 am on Thursday mornings. This song reminds of this. All of us in this group, had a desire to serve the Lord with our lives. We did not know if that meant as a missionary, teacher, preacher, church staff or stay at home mom. Our desire above all else was to glorify God with our lives. Though our lives have taken some twists and turns and many of us are not where we thought we would be at the wise old age of 21...we are all spack dab in the middle of God's will. Through that early morning prayer time, I learned to seek God's face first thing in the morning and to lay all of my hopes, desires and dreams at His beautful, nail scared feet!

You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

Kristian Stanfill - Jesus Paid It All

In order to listen to this song, you will need to press pause on my playlist on the right. I hope that this song and verses will encourage you today. Know that God loved you so much that He sent His one and only son to died for you. Jesus rose again and love you. No matter the sin that you may have commited, God will forgive you and will wash you white as snow!!

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

My roommate in college (and still great friend) Corie shared this with me way back in 1995 but it still holds true today!! May I live this boldly each day and teach my daughter to love God with all her heart, soul, mind and strenth.


“I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.
I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear!”

Infertility Stinks!

Why Does Infertility Stink??

• The dream you had of marriage then kids has been shattered.
• Every month having to see just one pink line on the pregnancy test, instead of two
• 16 and pregnant on MTV
• The never ending question of "When are ya'll going to have kids?"
• People telling you that you can't do a good job in children's ministry or as a teacher because you do not have children of your own
• Baby Dedication
• Mother's Day
• Going to Babies R Us
• Being told to "just adopt" and feeling bad because you don't feel led to do it.
• Hearing the news that one of your friends or family members is pregnant. One one hand you are excited for them but on the other hand your heart breaks because you wish it was you. Then you feel bad for not feeling absolutely excited for your love ones, and then you beat yourself up for being selfish
• Feeling like you must have some BIG SIN in your life or why else would you not be pregnant
• Feeling like you are a science experiment
• Having your most private parts of your body be on display for countless doctors, nurses and even pre-med students
• Taking vitamins, hormones, and shots
• Doubting your faith and wondering where God is in all of this struggle.
• Seeing the "I'm so sorry" look in the nurse's eyes as she tells you yet again that you are not pregnant
• Crying in the Wal-Mart check out line as you buy your "supplies" for your monthly gift
• Hearing "We weren't even trying"!
• Having your arms ache to hold a child
• People telling you to "just relax and it will just happen"

These are all things that I have hated and still sometimes hate about infertility. Infertility is not fair, it stinks, it's heartbreaking and it affects you spiritually, emotionally and spiritually! Through my struggle with infertility the words of this song helped. My favorite line is "still I will praise you, still I will praise you!"

The biggest change in my relationship with the Lord that happened during my infertility journey was that my love for God is now based on WHO HE IS and not on what He gives me! Even though I have a child now, through the help of hormones, shots and treatment, my heart still aches. Because now that she is 18 months old the questions are starting up again...when are you going to have another one? So today as we sang the song below in church, God reminded me of the lessons of grace, mercy and faithfulness that He had already taught me. So today I can again say, "still I will praise you LORD!"

YOU NEVER LET GO LYRICS - MATT REDMAN

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

A picture that changed my perspective

They say a picture is worth a thousand words....but to me this picture is a dividing line in my life. It is the point at which I went from a woman who said she was completely sold out to the Lord but really wasn't. A woman who would live like a Christian one day and a lost soul the next. A woman who would trust God in the good times put would easily turn away from Him when life was unfair. That woman with wavery faith was transformed through suffering and uncertainty on December 30, 2008.

My precious daughter was born, by emergency c-section, 10 weeks early! I had had it all planned out. She was not suppose to be born until March, so I was going to spend my Christmas break (I taught 6th grade at the time), getting my hair, toes, and finger nails done. I wanted to make sure I looked "perfect" when it was time to deliver. But oh, how God's plans are so much higher, wiser and more PERFECT then our plans could every be!

On December 17th, I was rushed to the hospital in preterm labor. I was then on bed rest for 2 weeks. The first 4 days of which I had to lay perfectly still and was not even allowed to go to the bathroom. So you can image how beautiful I looked and smelled!! God was humbling me, and teaching me day by day, hour by hour. Then on December 30th my miracle was happened. Ava Elizabeth was born! She has to stay in the NICU for 8 weeks and during that time God continued to grow and refine me.

All my past worries of what I looked like, what I acted like and what others thought about me went out the door. For my whole, almost 32 years at that point, I had been a people pleaser. My moods and decisions would change based on other people's opinions. I would be up one day and down the next. I would make a decision I "thought" was right one minute and then change it the next because someone in my life did not approve of it. That all changed when I had Ava. The only person I worried about was that little 2 pound 14 oz little girl fighting for her life in her tiny incubator in room 4 of the NICU.

Today I looked at the picture in my hallway of my chipped finger nailed hand being held by my precious, beautiful, miracle, life altering daughter, Ava! So who am I today. I am a woman that is bold, brave, and completely sold out to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Am I still a people pleaser? Well, sometimes, but not as often. Everyday I seek to be the mother of a daughter, who is a true miracle. A daughter whom I desire to lead, guide and direct towards an amazing relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!