They say a picture is worth a thousand words....but to me this picture is a dividing line in my life. It is the point at which I went from a woman who said she was completely sold out to the Lord but really wasn't. A woman who would live like a Christian one day and a lost soul the next. A woman who would trust God in the good times put would easily turn away from Him when life was unfair. That woman with wavery faith was transformed through suffering and uncertainty on December 30, 2008.
My precious daughter was born, by emergency c-section, 10 weeks early! I had had it all planned out. She was not suppose to be born until March, so I was going to spend my Christmas break (I taught 6th grade at the time), getting my hair, toes, and finger nails done. I wanted to make sure I looked "perfect" when it was time to deliver. But oh, how God's plans are so much higher, wiser and more PERFECT then our plans could every be!
On December 17th, I was rushed to the hospital in preterm labor. I was then on bed rest for 2 weeks. The first 4 days of which I had to lay perfectly still and was not even allowed to go to the bathroom. So you can image how beautiful I looked and smelled!! God was humbling me, and teaching me day by day, hour by hour. Then on December 30th my miracle was happened. Ava Elizabeth was born! She has to stay in the NICU for 8 weeks and during that time God continued to grow and refine me.
All my past worries of what I looked like, what I acted like and what others thought about me went out the door. For my whole, almost 32 years at that point, I had been a people pleaser. My moods and decisions would change based on other people's opinions. I would be up one day and down the next. I would make a decision I "thought" was right one minute and then change it the next because someone in my life did not approve of it. That all changed when I had Ava. The only person I worried about was that little 2 pound 14 oz little girl fighting for her life in her tiny incubator in room 4 of the NICU.
Today I looked at the picture in my hallway of my chipped finger nailed hand being held by my precious, beautiful, miracle, life altering daughter, Ava! So who am I today. I am a woman that is bold, brave, and completely sold out to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Am I still a people pleaser? Well, sometimes, but not as often. Everyday I seek to be the mother of a daughter, who is a true miracle. A daughter whom I desire to lead, guide and direct towards an amazing relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!
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