It's been a while!

I know, I know, it has been awhile since I have written anything.  I have had some great friends and family ask me why I have not written lately or do I still want to or like to write.  The answer is yes!  I love to write, I still want to be considered a "writer" in my own right (no pun intended!).  If you are someone who enjoys my writing, all ten of you...do not fear.  The main reason that I have not written in a while is that I am newly pregnant with my 2nd child!  Can I get a hallelujah!!  What is even more astounding about the fact that I am pregnant again, is that fact that this pregnancy happened "all natural".  With out going in to too many details, means that my husband and I were just doing what married people do...with no help of drugs or procedures and we got pregnant.  Which is such amazing miracle!  My doctor had told me after my daughter was born that I most likely would not be able to become pregnant on my own with out medical intervention.  Good think I follow, love and serve an amazing GIVER OF LIFE!!  Back to why I have not written...it is called being in first trimester!  Hopefully there are ladies out there that can relate to my tired, overly exhausted, emotional, sickly self!  Now that I have passed into 2nd trimester, I actually have energy and even the brain capacity to write again!

A big reason I write, is really just a way to journal, or put down on paper (or blog), what God is teaching me.  I have never been a big journaler, but blogging seems to be a good fit for me.  I would like to say that I get inspired or lead to write because I am spending hours and hours a day reading my Bible, while I am listening to hymns.  Sad to say that is not the case.  Alot of times I get inspired to write because of a song I hear on the radio, something I see in my daily life or even a show I am watching, while I try to rest during naptime.  Today I was inspired to write based on watching the show, The Glee Project on Hulu, don't judge...it is my guilty pleasure!  This weeks episode focused on bullying  and it made think and go back and relive some of the times when I was a victim of bullying.   When I was in middle school and a big part of high school I was picked on and bullied by a certain group of girls and specifically one particular girl.  It was awful...especially in middle school!  Every day they seemed to have a caddy or cruel comment to say to me about my hair, my clothes, shoes or even my height.  There were mornings that I dreaded going to school and afternoons when I could not wait for the bell to ring.  Those perfect, plastic girls made what should have been fun, learning, growing, a coming into my self time, into a time of misery and counting the minutes until they were over.  Thankfully, during that time I had some great friends and an always supportive family, that I made it to college with out too many permanent scars.

But today in the world of Facebook and social media, I can see pictures and read updates from these once cruel chicks.  Many of them have turned their lives around, married, have children, and love the Lord.  That last fact makes me the most mad.  I know it sounds a little dramatic, but sometimes it makes me mad!  It makes me mad that the same girls that were picking on my for my believes and my stance on Christianity, Jesus, God, Church, values and moral, are now reaping the "benefits" of being a Christian.     There are times when I tell God, that I don't think it is fair that they get to love You too...after how awful they were to me and some many other "goody girl" Christians!  Today was one of those days when I was talking to God about Him allowing me (how dare Him!) to be bullied and those mean girls being able to now get to share in the same eternal blessings that I have too!  God in His gentleness simply reminded me of Paul and of Stephen.  Paul, when he was still Saul, stoned to death Stephen who was considered a great preacher, missionary and man of God.  Then just a few weeks later, Saul becomes Paul and he who was once a mean, persecutor was turned into a heroic missionary, preacher and writer!  I am sure when God dramatically changed Paul's life, Stephen was not up in Heaven, leaning over God's shoulder, saying really God??  I am sure Stephen was rejoicing in the life change in and the influence of Paul's life.  This convicted me, on how I need to think about those once bullies in my own life.  When I see one of the "mean girls" posting a Bible verse on their Facebook wall, I need to rejoice in their life change, and what God has done and in doing in their lives.  Because we are going to be spending eternity together...so I better get used to it!  I need to remind myself of the simple truth of John 3:16, "For God so loved the World (even the mean girls), that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have ever lasting life!!"

March of Dimes 2012

Ava's debut into the world. She was 10 weeks early.

She weighed 2lbs and 14 ounces.

She stayed in the NICU 57 days

Today she is an energetic, happy, smart, amazing little girl

Hey, Family, Friends and Blog readers,

Adam, Ava and I will again be walking in the March of Dimes, "Walk for Babies"! The event will take place on April 28th at Marietta High School. The walk will start at 9:00 am. This year, our goal for the walk is $570. The reason I chose that amount is because Ava's stay in the NICU was 57 days. If you would be interested in walking with us or supporting us financially, you may do so at the link provided. Thank you so very much for your encouragement and support!!

http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=3790544&ct=4&w=5208582&u=coolercrew

Teaser for 2012 Summer Curriuclum

Last summer I did a "Letter of the Day" curriculum for Ava. Several of my friends have asked if I am going to do something similiar this summer. I have started on a brief outline of what I am going to do this summer to help Ava continue to grow in "wisdom, stature and favor with God and man!" I am using some activities books that I purchased at the dollar store as a jumping off point for the curriculum. Two days a week she will be attending a day camp at "Babies R Talking", (I will be one of the teachers). Two days a week we will be doing "school" and then on Fridays will be our free day.

Ava’s Summer School Schedule

2012

Monday:

School work: Letters, Numbers, Shapes, Colors

Exercise Activity: Whitewater

Cooking Activity: Food based on school work

Spiritual Activity: Verse and Bible Story based on school work

Tuesday:

Babies R Talking Camp (9-1)

Afternoon activity: Park, puzzles/games, play time with friends

Wednesday:

School work: Letters, Numbers, Shapes, Colors

Exercise Activity: Whitewater

Cooking Activity: Food based on school work

Spiritual Activity: Verse and Bible Story based on school work

Thursday

Babies R Talking Camp (9-1)

Afternoon activity: Park, puzzles/games, play time with friends

Friday:

Free Day-nothing really planned, go with the flow, visit with family and friends.

Jesus the One and Only

Jesus the One and Only

In 2000 I had the privilege of journeying to Israel and to sit under the teachings of Beth Moore as she filmed “Jesus the One and Only.” I sat in the audience with my bleached blonde hair and my bright red lipstick, soaking in every word that was taught and singing to the top of my lungs in worship to my Savior. I tried to take in everything I saw, tasted, touch and even smelled as I experience the ONE and ONLY birth place of Jesus. I listened, took notes and was encouraged and challenge as I was taught by my favorite Bible Study teacher, the ONE and Only Beth Moore. But at the same time, I was longing and my heart was broken by the person that I thought was my One and Only!!

Today in 2012 as I watched myself (bless my heart) on the DVD, I could not help but want to scream out to my then 23 year old self…It is going to be okay! I did not know it back in 2000 when my heart was breaking from being dumped by my college boyfriend, of two years, what exciting journey God had in store for me. I did not realize at the time both the trials and triumphs that would come my way in the next 12 years and how much I would go back to the simple but profound truth that Jesus is the ONE and ONLY!

2001- Our world changed on 9/11 and I feared my brother was on the Boston bound plane. Who gave me peace and my brother protection, Jesus the One and ONLY

2004- On December 16, God in His grace and mercy chose to take my precious nephew home to be with him. Who was it that my family trusted in during our darkest hours of grief, Jesus the One and ONLY

2006- On March 25th, I married my best friend Adam and the memories of that boy that broke my heart were just that a memory. In that amazing moment of when two became one, in whom did I rejoice, Jesus was the One and Only

2007 and 2008 When my body felt broken and my heart and soul were desperate for a baby, who did I cling to, Jesus the One and Only

December 30, 2008 My precious preemie was born, so little and so fragile. I was so scared and so worried. Who was my refuge and my strength, who did I run to in my fear, anger, sadness, happiness and joy, Jesus the One and Only

Present Day. When I am dancing around the kitchen to praise songs with my miracle daughter, Ava; When I am laughing again at one of Adam’s joke; When I am sitting on the beach
with my parents, brother, sister in law and neice and nephew, and Adam and Ava; When I am sitting quietly by myself, study Gods word. Who am I thanking, studying about, worshipping, amazed by….Jesus the ONE AND ONLY!!!

This Little Light of Mine

I absolutely love this song! I hope this song encourages you today! God has amazing plans for you life, don't be afraid to take a step out in faith!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVeB7ACVgO0

My Poetry....Hilarious!

I have always liked to write. Even from way back in high school, I enjoyed writing...even if it was terrible and so very cheesey! Today, I was going through some of my documents looking for a specific file and I came across these jewels! Below are some "poems" that I wrote from high school through Seminary (1991-2002).

Poem One

Who Would You Choose

(high school- 1991 to 1995)

There is a boy I know and I love him so, I am not sure If he likes me or her

She is my best friend, I don’t know what I would do if he should choose her over me

If he did pick her, I’m not sure what I would do

Because she is my best friend

If he chose her, my heart would be there to mend

I love him so, I wander if he knows who to choose

I love him so but she is my best friend

I don’t know what to do, who would you choose?

Poem Two

(high school)

Why do I sit here and cry. I’ve always put my heart into every relationship I start

You don’t know how much my heart broke when you wrote me that note.

I guess you were trying to even the score, Lets not write notes anymore

You have the win

But if I ever had another chance to begin

I would hove you all over again

Poem Three

Love and Pain

(college- 1995 to 1999)

Love and Pain, Why are these two things the same

Why does love hurt so much

Who would think of such

But what is it all about

Love is great, but it doesn’t last

Son it will all be in the past

Because it seems every time you love someone, they just leave you out to dry

Soon that day comes when you have to say goodbye

It’s always ok to cry

Love and Pain are just the same

If you love someone you sometimes have to loose them to realized why

Love hurts so much

Poem Four

Guy I Love

(college)

I know this guy that I will love forever, I only wish we were still together.

I felt so special when an older man took my hand

Then this year I saw him with another girl

I had to shed a tear because I fear he will never love me again

Poem Five

Children

(seminary-200-2002)

Children.

They are the toothless smile of a five year old little boy.

They are the innocent laughter of a two year old little girl who has discovered the joy of bubbles

Their smiles can brighten our day and their little hugs can melt our hearts

Poem Six

Looking at the Sunset

(seminary)

Looking at the sunset and remembering how we met

Running through a field and catching fire flies

Looking up at the stars and wondering why

Why?

Why did God bring you to me?

How I long I had dreamed

How many tears did flow

But oh how I could never see

See that God had a perfect plan

God was creating a Godly man

A man who was after God’s own heart

A man whose love will never depart

Oh bring him to me

Let with my very eyes see

The one who is better then them all

The one by whose name I will be called

Poem Seven

No Matter What

(seminary)

Who would you die for?

Your dad, your mom, your big sister or little brother?

Maybe your girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband

But would you die for that ex-boyfriend who kissed your best friend, or that one who assaulted you or an abusive parent.

Jesus did just that. He died for the Roman soldier who whipped him

He died for Judas who sold his soul for thirty pieces

He died for Peter who denied him

Jesus died for you. He died for you no matter what you have done or said or thought

Won’t you allow Him to come and make you whole and love you no matter what!

Taking Tentative Steps

¹² "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

¹⁵ All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. ¹⁶ Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

Philippians 3:12-16

***Disclaimer: This is a very honest, real, blog posting. If it hurts feelings, I am sorry, but it is my life experience. If you don't like what I wrote...don't read it.***

This Sunday at church our pastor, George Wright, began a new series on growth. Being that it is the start of a new year, many people are trying to set goals, resolutions, changes they want to do or make in the coming year. As George was closing his sermon on "Christian Growth", he included some points, scripture and dialogue about how we sometimes let our past prevent us for moving onward and upward in what God has called us to do with our lives. He made this point about our past. "Do not be defined by your past but by Christ who covers your past." He also stated that our past can prevent us from having growth in two ways. The first way is that we can say that our past disqualifies us. The second way is that we can say that our past entitles us. WOW! Both of those thoughts about our past, my past has crossed my mind. I have used both those excuses lately for not following God's calling and God's will in my life!

My past ENTITLES me! I feel like I have used that excuse so often in the last few years. I so many times feel like my past entitles me to either get special treatment or to be excused from service. Why do I think my past entitles me for certain privileges? I grew up in a strong, intact, Christian family. I grew up going to church every time the doors were open, being a GA, being part of Bible drill, and a leader in the youth group. As I grew up, left the nest and went to a Christian college, I was called the "shining star" by many of my professors. In Seminary I was told I was "their favorite student", by my professors. Then as I entered into the ministry world I had the privilege of working on staff at one of the most amazing, wonderful, growing, Gospel preaching churches in the Southern Baptist Convention. So if you ask me had I put in "my time" in Christian growth and service I would have said ABSOLUTELY!

My past DISQUALIFIES me! I have also used this excuse many times, probably the most in the last few years. I have used it as a cop-out, reason, and an excuse for why I am not stepping up and risking doing anything out of my comfort zone. What in my life, in my past am I so scared of repeating? Why am I so shy to be bold and brave again? Funny you should ask! After my stunning, shining and sensational ministry life experience from college through my ministry position at the mega church, I took a new position at another church and it was a train wreck. Maybe I was over confident in my ability. Maybe it was a "growth opportunity" for me. But whatever it was, it was very hard and to be honest very scarring. I went to work at a church where I really felt and still feel today that God was leading me to, but the experience was tough...scary...hard. It was nothing like anything I had experienced before, and it has changed me.

So where do I go from here? Well two things first. One, I am not going to rely on or wear like a medal, what I did six to ten years ago in ministry as a way to feel, think or even sometimes act superior to others. Two, as far as my "trying experience" in ministry I am going to forgive, learn, grow and most importantly move on!! I will not let Satan, anything or anyone else steal the "joy of my salvation'!! I will move. I will worship. I will teach. I will write. I will pray. I will follow. I will serve. I will grow!